Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
