amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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