This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
