Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
