We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
