We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
