Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
