don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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