hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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