apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
