I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
