Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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