im six kinds of drunk right now
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
