did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
