Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
