My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
