I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
