I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
