Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
