She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
