Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
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What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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