that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
