For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
