Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
