I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
