I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
