youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
