my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
