uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
