I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
