So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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