nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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