I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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