I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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