This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
