I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How naked do you want me to be?
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