you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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