Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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