I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
