he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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