were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Two words: nipple clamps
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