if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
