Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
