bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
