Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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