If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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