If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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