Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
