I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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