i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
