Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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