so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
