It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
where are you?
Hypothermia
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
