I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
