Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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