i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
