i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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