farters have to be the big spoon...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
