R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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