guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
