The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
