Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
