My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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