you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Randomize
