I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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