as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
