whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
