You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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