Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize