just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He told me they were just razor bumps!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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