We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
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I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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