Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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