you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
