I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
