Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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